Mood:  celebratory

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, N'DIGO decided to revisit an old but favorite topic: relationships and dating.

The Truth about Single Men & Women

In 1990, N’Digo posed the question: Whom Will She Marry and Why? To celebrate our 20th anniversary, N’Digo is revisiting the topic of singles with a twist: We’ve collaborated with cinematographer Chris Griffin of AAA Studios Chicago to produce a special video companion piece to this article.

N’Digo selected a group of panelists consisting of television personality Rosa Zamora, relationship coach Niquenya D. Fulbright, Designer Vagina age renewal specialist Dr. Lewanzer Lassiter and entrepreneurs Karyn Beard and Khamiya Beard of Kham’Ryn B. Shoes to share their candid views on men and relationships.

Watch the video portion of the interview at http://ndigo.com/coverstory2.asp and pick up your free copy of the printed edition today!

Mood:  celebratory

Make 2009 Your Year to Prosper & Shine

Mood:  happy

Check out this article on personal branding by Kyra Kyles in today's issue of the Red Eye.  Kyra asks my expert opinion on how people can set themselves apart from the competition in today's competitive job market.

 http://tinyurl.com/brandingstory

Mood:  flirty

 As a life coach, I am inundated with clients who are having issues with their intimate relationships. One of the most common complaints I hear from the women I serve is that they just don't understand men. These clients fume in relentless self-talk wondering the answers to questions such as "why can't he just listen to me?", "why won't he just do what I need him to do?", "what is so hard for him to just pick up the phone?" and the list goes on. The following 5 tips will assist you in reexamining your relationships so that you can begin to truly understand men.

Are you suffering from the need to be rescued? The first key to understanding men is to realize that a man can not complete you. Let me say that again; a man can not complete you. You have to be whole in yourself and by yourself before you ever even think about entering a relationship. I watched the most beautiful love story not too long ago called "August Rush". The most memorable scene for me was when a young woman affected by a severe loss of love was in a deep conversation with her best friend about happiness. Her friend asked her the most powerful question one can ever ask themselves, "are you happy after everyone else goes home?" I want you to think about that for a moment. Are you happy after everyone else goes home? When you are sitting by yourself can you truly say that you are fulfilled and at peace with who you are? If the answer is no, then it is time to do some work on yourself. Until you can answer this question with a definitive "yes", then you are not ready for a relationship. You will only bring negativity and baggage to the table. Your potential mate can not fill that empty space. That hole can only be filled by you. It places an unfair expectation on your mate to give him that responsibility.

If love is always fleeting, it might be time to look inside yourself for answers. That brings me to the next step to understanding men; know yourself. You will need to examine who you are, what you want out of your life and how you will achieve that. This may require taking a look at all the things, the circumstances, the negative and positive talk that has created who you are today. We are all made up of values, morals, beliefs and expectations that may or may not be of our own choosing. It is up to you to increase your self-awareness so that you can have a clear understanding of what you need and want in your life. For instance, if you are a product of a single-parent household, maybe you have issues with older men. Or if you come from an abusive childhood, perhaps there is a pattern there. You owe it to yourself and your future partner to do the work to become as self-aware as possible so that you can overcome those innate, negative, self-sabotaging roadblocks that are the detriment to a fulfilling relationship.

Is your mate your complement? Once you have fully examined yourself, know your purpose in life and are firmly planted on the road to achieving that big picture, you are ready for the next step; finding your complement. Opposites do not attract. I know you have heard that they do but this is a myth. Opposites do not attract, complements do. For instance, if you are a person who loves to talk, then you should not be with someone who hates conversations. That is your opposite and would never work. You would never understand him. But on the other hand, if your talkative nature attracted someone who loved to listen, then he is your complement. You can work well together and understand one another. This is what is meant in the Holy Bible by not choosing someone who is "unequally yoked". You have to be on the same level in order to communicate effectively and truly be partners within the relationship. Opposites can not do this. Only complements can. Reexamine your likes, dislikes, passions and pet peeves for the type of person who might complement you. Anyone who is your opposite should be immediately disqualified. Your mate should be the yin to your yang.

Can you recognize true love when you see it? By now you have a running list of all the things you want from your mate. You know exactly who will do well as your complement. Now here is where many women fall short in the journey to finding true love; never expect more from your mate than you are willing to give yourself. How can you expect your man to respect and honor you if you don't give him that same respect? How can you desire a man who is financially secure if you don't manage your money well or have severely poor credit? This is the time for further self-examination. I am sure you have heard that if you want to get to a certain point in your life then you need to surround yourself with those who are already there. Let me add one additional caveat to this - you must also be working diligently to get there yourself. Being in the company of those who are where you want to be can only serve as inspiration but it is up to you to do the work to actually get there. Don't expect your mate to be all that you want and desire if you are not all that you want and desire or at least working on it. Furthermore, if you are lucky enough to encounter someone who is at least on the road, don't discount him for having not yet arrived if you haven't gotten their either. Many women lose out on true love for the belief that his having not yet achieved success is a shortcoming rather than viewing his consistent hard work as a strength.

Willing him to be the right one will only set yourself up for missing the one who is. The final step in understanding men is to not read more into the relationship than what is there right before you. We all get red flags from time to time but we choose to ignore them. When seeking a committed relationship you have to throw that bad habit out the door. Those red flags are waving for a reason. Something that man has done or said clearly identified that he is not your complement and may be in fact your opposite and we already know that opposites do not attract. So instead of asking all those questions about "why" he isn't this or that, how about asking yourself why you're even into him. Afterall, Greg Behrendt has already clued as in that "maybe he's just not that into you." So guess what? You don't have to be into him either. Wasting your time with fruitless, deadend relationships only prevents you from finding the fulfilling relationship you want, need and deserve.

Mood:  happy

Most coaches become coaches with the primary goal of helping others; however, earning a significant income can also be a major motivator.  Too many coaches focus so much on building their coaching skills that they forget to dedicate critical time to building their coaching practice as well. Clients are not just going to magically appear. Coaches have to diligently work on marketing in order to attract them.

There are coaches with fairly consistent practices filled to capacity with clients. If this is you, you might think that you must be doing a really good job of marketing, right?
WRONG!

Perhaps you may have laid the groundwork to get your practice to where it is today but what about tomorrow? Have you identified and accounted for the natural peak and fall your business takes at certain times of the year? Have you performed a SWOT analysis on your business? Do you have a marketing plan? Or even a business plan?
As coaches, we do a great deal of work on raising our self-awareness, creating a personal mission and a vision but what about the mission and vision of the business? Where is your awareness when it comes to your coaching practice? Do you track leads? Do you have a measure for how successful each of your different marketing efforts is? The whole idea of marketing tends to scare many coaches. This is because they think of it as a grueling task, something unenjoyable, and something that they HAVE to do.

In the introduction of Stephen Covey's book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, there is much discussion around creating paradigm shifts. This is a complete change in the way one thinks about or perceives a particular thing. I invite you to make a paradigm shift right now in regards to marketing. Rather than look at marketing as something you HAVE to do, think about it as something you LOVE to do.

Perhaps it would help to put this in terms that a coach can understand more easily. A very real goal most coaches have is to get more clients. To start off, the coach needs to examine where his/her business is right now. How many clients are in the practice? How many more would be desirable? Why?

The last question is the most important. What would having more clients achieve for you? How will things be different if you have these clients? In other words, what is your purpose? Knowing the purpose of attracting more clients is just the beginning of this new paradigm shift.

Incorporating multiple income streams into your coaching practice also provides your clients with added value to their service which also increases the value of the relationship. By developing spin-off products such as books, cds and dvds; your client can take you home with them and continue to benefit from your expertise. Finally, since most coaches are solopreneurs, entrepreneurs who work independently with little or no staff, it is imperative that a mentor coach is secured.  Mentor coaches can act as a sounding board for ideation and assist you in developing a realistic and workable business plan for your coaching practice.  If you are serious about making money as a coach then you need to partner with a mentor coach today.

Mood:  hungry

Awesome coaches have a heightened sense of awareness, not only of others but also themselves. Since coaching is a process highly dependent on the coach's ability to remain a neutral, unbiased and nonjudgmental partner toward the client's success; it is critical that the coach is aware of his/her own agenda so it can be set aside in favor of that of the client's.

Self-awareness can be defined as a conscious acknowledgement of who one is, what roles one plays and what direction one plans to move in. This consciousness is extended across every area of one's life. Awesome coaches must examine their morals, ethics, values and belief system. An awesome coach can identify what is important to his/her happiness and work diligently to attain those things. Awesome coaches can also spot potential conflicts, obstacles and barriers and take a proactive approach in their response.

Self-awareness begins with asking oneself powerful questions. It is like performing a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis on yourself. These questions may include:

• What roles do I play (mother, father, wife, employee, child)?
• Do I like what I do for a living?
• Do I feel as if I am being utilized to my full potential?
• Am I doing THIS because I believe I can't do what I really want?
• What's stopping me from achieving more?
• Am I realistic about my professional goals?
• What unique talents or skills do I possess?
• Do I have an adequate support system?
• Could I do more to increase my circle of influence?
• Is there a piece missing for me socially?
• Do I associate with positive people or do I gravitate toward negative naysayers?
• Am I happy after everyone goes home?
• Am I lonely?
• Am I a GOOD friend to others? to myself?
• Am I close to my family?
• Am I satisfied with the men/women I date?
• Am I meeting the kind of person I would like to connect with?
• Do I exhibit attitudes or behaviors that prevent me from meeting and dating appropriate people?
• Do others see me the way that I see myself?
• Do I really want to be in a committed relationship?
• How would I feel if I never met "the right one"?
• Do I believe in God or a higher power?
• Is my spirituality an important aspect of my life?
• Do I believe that my potential mate must share my beliefs in this area?
• Would I have a problem if we were "unequally yoked"?
• Do I earn a sustainable income?
• Do I manage my money well?
• Am I able to satisfy my basic needs/wants?
• How important to my happiness is money?
• Will the earning power of my potential mate be important in my decision about who that person will be?
• Are my values and beliefs based on what others may think of me or are they really my own?
• Am I harboring any latent fears that should be resolved before I can move forward?

You can always add more questions that you feel are relevant but the key here is to be completely honest with yourself.  Ask those hard questions so you can begin the journey to complete self-awareness. You will not be able to fully give of yourself in a coaching relationship until this step is complete.

© 2008 by Niquenya D. Fulbright, Executive Life Coach - All Rights Reserved You have permission to publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge, as long as these bylines are included.

Mood:  celebratory

Today is my 31st birthday!  Woohoo!!!

*** SPECIAL OFFER *** 

In honor of my 31st birthday, any new coaching client who signs up for a FREE introductory session between today and August 22nd, 2008 will receive each future 1-hour session for just $31 each (regularly $125/hour) for the first full month of service!  Save even more by choosing to make an advance commitment of 3 months and pay just $310!

To take advantage of either of these exciting offers, just send an email to contactme@niquenyafulbright.com with "Happy Birthday" in the subject line.  You MUST mention this offer by adding "Happy Birthday" in the subject line or regular fees will apply.

Coaching is conducted primarily via telephone or instant messaging service (i.e. Yahoo, Skype) for convenience and worldwide availability.

Mood:  sharp

 These days everyone is seeking new ways to claim back some of their lost time. The way of the world has become hustle-and-bustle. There are so many things on our to-do lists and, it seems, less and less time to get it all done. With so many new advents in technology to do things faster and more conveniently, one would think that we would have more time. Instead, much time is wasted fooling around with these new technological enhancements. How many hours dwindle away checking emails, tapping into social networking sites and instant messaging long lost friends? If you are really adamant about managing your time more effectively, why not use technology to gain an advantage? RescueTime is a brand new web tool that allows you to monitor your time on the computer. This could be valuable information for web junkies like me who may need some form of accountability for their time. Now here is what you need to do to take advantage of RescueTime today.

 Click "checkout the tour" beneath the big red "Sign Up" button to learn more about the features of RescueTime or go ahead sign up free. You will receive a confirmation email. Click the link to confirm your email address and then sign into your account. You will be taken to RescueTime's introduction page to assist you in getting started with the application.

 Download and install the RescueTime Data Collector and then open its icon in your system tray as indicated in the picture to the left. Test the features according to the instructions located on the introduction page.

Start using RescueTime right away. RescueTime works in two parts. The downloadable application keeps track of every application you use and each website that you visit. You can then view the reports in easy-to-read graphical form on the website and create tags to help you categorize the different sites you visit. For instance, you can have a category called "social networking sites" of which both Facebook and MySpace belong; but you can tag Facebook as "personal" and MySpace as "business" to determine how much personal networking you do with friends and family versus networking with business colleagues and coworkers. It may take a few hours before RescueTime has collected enough data to categorize and allow you to make tags but start doing so as soon as possible.

Monitor your progress. Check your productivity often. At least weekly is a good starting point. Check for wasteful activities and start pairing back. Set limits on known time and energy drainers and then stick to them.

For even more accountability, you can also create groups. If you have a standard free membership, RescueTime allows you to add up to 5 members to your group. The application then monitors each member's productivity and creates a weekly aggregate summary. You can then use this summary to compare your own productivity to that of the average productivity of the group. No individual group member's information can be shared so each individual member's productivity remains confidential. This can be a great way to motivate a project team into productivity. If you want a larger group, more than one group or for RescueTime to track your progress for more than three months, then you will need to pay a monthly fee of $7.95 which is charged per group member.

You can also take RescueTime with you anywhere. Add it to your blogs or any of your social networking sites that will accept a Java coded widget. Add it to your iGoogle home page or even sign up for text alerts to your mobile phone. RescueTime makes it easy for you to track your productivity wherever you go.

© 2008 by Niquenya D. Fulbright, Executive Life Coach – All Rights Reserved

 www.niquenyafulbright.com

Mood:  on fire

Maybe we are in a recession?  Maybe we are not?  President Bush describes the state of the economy as being in a “slow-down”.  Whatever your description, one thing does remain true; times are hard for almost everyone. 

The cost of living is on a steady rise right alongside inflation; however, paychecks don’t seem to be experiencing that same type of growth.  Food is more, gas is more, and insurance is more.  It seems that everyone is pinching pennies so hard that Abraham Lincoln is crying.  In times like these, it becomes incredibly important to take advantage of every break that presents itself.  Unfortunately, when opportunity comes knocking, many people slam the door in its face. 

An opportunity is a chance or an opening to do something different than what you are already doing.  It is a means for you to remove yourself from bad situations so that you can step into a good one.  Never taking advantage of opportunities that lay before you can mean a lifetime of being stuck within your present circumstances.  By now, we know that if we always do the same thing all the time and expect for things to change, that is the definition of insanity.  You would have to be crazy to let your opportunities pass you by. 

What types of opportunities is meant here?  First, any opportunity to cut down your costs should be met wholeheartedly.  For instance, coupons are provided in every newspaper, in most restaurant menus, on the back of receipts and even in a bound collection mailed out by your neighborhood association.  Use them!  Research has shown that coupons have been neglected as of recent.  Every household throws away thousands of dollars in potential savings each year.  Before your next shopping trip, check your local papers for coupons that could decrease your grocery bill.  Combine manufacturer’s coupons with store sales and be amazed at your savings.  You should also look for free stuff.  Chicago has a lot to offer its residents in terms of entertainment.  Visit museums on Thursdays, watch a free movie in the park, go to art shows and improv comedy theaters.  Your local coffee shop may even have live entertainment. 

Secondly, look for ways to increase your income.  Nowadays, when someone is referred to as a “hustler”, there is a negative connotation to it.  We think of a drug dealer or a scofflaw.  Hustler used to mean that you did whatever you had to do to put food on the table for your family…legally.  Take a look at your skills, talents and hobbies.  Are you good with your hands?  Can you build things or do you like arts and crafts.  Sell your services and/or your crafts.  Do you have good typing and administrative skills?  Sign up for a temp service or contact your local small businesses to see if they could use some part-time help?  Is the fast food chain on the corner hiring?  Apply!  Fast food is a great stepping stone for anyone who has little job skills.  The training and experience will go a long way to open doors for future growth. It’s time to hustle. 

Lastly, expand your experience by trying something new.  Opportunities don’t always present themselves so obviously.  Sometimes it is up to you to seek them out.  Learn the art of networking and expand your circle of influence.  Like the old saying goes, “it’s not always what you know, but who you know.”  That doesn’t mean you don’t have to know anything either.  Education is vitally important.  Ignorance can prevent you from recognizing a golden opportunity even if it slaps you in the face.  Knowledge is power. 

The bottom line is to keep your eyes open and your ears to the ground for anything that can help your circumstances.  Say YES to opportunities when they come your way and open the door to good financial times.

Mood:  chillin'

1.      Take the proactive approach: Stress can have a negative impact on your physical, mental and emotional health. You have a responsibility to yourself to maintain your well-being. Response-ability is the ability to choose your response.  You may not have any control over the situation and you can’t change the way people behave but you do have complete control over the way you respond.  Take the high road by readjusting your attitude toward more positive thinking.

2.      Laughter is the best medicine: Laughter is a great way to relieve stress.  You would be surprised at how much better you will feel after a great laugh.  If the situation is one in which a good belly burst would be inappropriate at the time, you can simply smile.  Both laughter and smiling provide a physical release of stress hormones such as cortisol, dopamine, adrenaline, epinephrine and the growth hormone.

3.      Forgive: Forgiveness is a sister to taking the proactive approach.  It is human nature to hold on to past hurts; however, by choosing to forgive the offender, you are actually releasing yourself from the stress associated with harboring grudges.  It takes much more time and energy to obsess over someone who has wronged you than it does to just move on.  Most likely he/she already has.  Realize people are only human and we all make mistakes from time to time.  That includes you so remember to also forgive yourself.

4.      Take a purposeful pause: A purposeful pause is a break away from your daily tasks with a specific intention in mind for that time.  The type of activity you choose to engage in during the “pause” is reliant on what you need at that time.  If your intention is to relax, then your purposeful pause could be meditation, prayer or a bubble bath.  If it is to reenergize, then the pause could be a nap or a coffee break.  A purposeful pause can be as long as an hour or as short as 5 minutes.  Try to work several purposeful pauses into your day.

5.      Exercise: Physical activity relieves stress in a couple of ways.  First, it offers a purposeful pause.  Secondly, it promotes better health which in turn aids the body in its ability to handle stress.  Take up yoga, join a gym or start walking.

6.      Eat well: Having a balanced diet packed full of energizing nutrients aids in combating stress.  Heart-healthy grains, fruits and veggies should be eaten regularly.  Also, drink plenty of water.  Steer clear of foods high in unhealthy fats, sugars and salt.  Caffeine should also be avoided.

7.      Tell the truth: Honesty really is the best possible.  Lies, even small ones, can place terrible stress on the mind.  It can be very difficult to keep up with lies and often more lies have to be told in order to maintain the initial one.  Dishonesty also puts undue stress on great relationships.

8.      Say NO: We often say “yes” to things we really don’t want to, either out of obligation or guilt.  It really is okay to just say “no”.  If a particular request takes you too far outside of your comfort zone then it is probably best to say no.  It is also better to simply say no than to take on a task that you don’t have time for.  You are much more productive when you only assume responsibility for those things that are important to you.

9.      Plan:  Time management skills are a great stress reduction tool.  Write important things down, maintain a schedule and stick to it.  Organize your files in a manner that makes them easily accessible and create a plan for routine maintenance.  Don’t forget to schedule time for you. Add your purposeful pauses to your planner.

10.  Delegate: You really can’t do it all by yourself much as you might think you can.  Learn the unique talents and strengths of those within your circle of influence and use that knowledge to share your tasks.  Doing less is quite often doing more.

Mood:  energetic

On a never-ending pursuit of ways to diversify my income and expand my circle of influence, I am reaching out to my fellow people of color.  I have created a new website catering to Chicagoland black urban professionals (buppies).  The site is located at http://www.chitownbuppies.com.

Chitown Buppies is intended as a resource for Chicagoland black urban professionals to meet and greet, network, share wisdom and expertise, socialize and take advantage of opportunities to grow both personally and professionally in pursuit of their goals.

Buppies have certain issues that are completely unique to the black experience and it is my desire that this forum provides a safe and welcome haven for us to connect and discuss these issues responsibly.

To your dynamic success and continued happy living!

Mood:  happy

Check out this article from yesterday's Wall Street Journal.

Executive Coaching - Worth the Money? by Laura Lorber

Have you ever utilized an executive coach?  How much did it cost and was it worth the money?

Happy New Year,

"A good goal is like a strenuous exercise -- it makes you stretch."
 
                                                    ~Mary Kay Ash
 
"Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is
reaching out and striving for his goals." 
                                                     ~Aristotle

I only have one question for you....

Will you make 2008 your Best year yet?

"People with goals succeed because
they know where they're going." 
~Earl Nightingale

"Our self image and our habits tend to go together.

Change one and you will automatically change the other."

~Dr. Maxwell Maltz

Now that the New Year is here it is time to think about resolutions.
 
Have you made any resolutions yet?
To lose weight? Make more money? Have better relationships? Get a better job?
 
So, how are you doing on them?
 
Hmmm......
 
Why do you think that is?
 
I know the answer.

Lack of willpower? Lack of follow through? Lack of knowledge and skills?
 
Nope!
 
Lack of a SYSTEM and lack of ACCOUNTABILITY have been your downfall.
 
So, what can you do?
You can lose weight. You can escape debt. You can make 2008 your best year yet!

I can help you. Here at The Positive Website we have a tool that will help you achieve all of your dreams this year!
 
Please take the initiative to sign up for my FREE tele-seminar:

 “How to Make 2008 Your Best Year Yet!” on January 17th 2008.
 
Be a part of this LIFE CHANGING experience!
 
Spaces will be EXTREMELY limited so PLEASE sign up right away!
 
You need to take immediate action and sign up to reserve your spot! 
 
Those who attend this FREE tele-seminar will:

• Learn to set reachable goals
• Learn to set "stretch" goals
• Learn to monitor and measure your progress towards achieving these goals.
• Achieve Your Greatest Dreams!

And the best news is- You will get it for FREE!

But wait!

It gets even better!

Just for going to the site you will get a slew of Amazing and Valuable FREE Bonuses worth over $2,654!

So what are you waiting for?

Are you ready to finally keep your New Year's resolutions?

Is 2008 the year you make it all come true?

The year you set goals and actually keep them?

The year you become the best you can be?

Is 2008 going to be the best year of your life? 

Please accept this invitation to join me in this amazing FREE tele-training.

Please take the initiative to Sign Up for my FREE tele-seminar January 17th 2008.
 
Be a part of this LIFE CHANGING experience!
 
 Sign Up Here!

Live Victoriously,

Joshua Stein

Founder- www.thepositivewebsite.com

Make 2008 Your Best Year Yet! Join me in this Free Training

P.S- Please invite all of your friends and family to join us as well!

Have you signed up for Your Free Daily Inspiration Service at www.thepositivewebsite.com?

© Copyright 2007 by Niquenya D. Fulbright - All rights reserved.

About the Author:

Niquenya D. Fulbright is a certified Christian executive life coach, management consultant, mediator, corporate trainer and motivational speaker specializing in inspiring small business owners, entrepreneurs, executives, groups and individuals in a career or life transition to use their innate abilities to master their goals and achieve successes beyond their wildest dreams. http://www.niquenyafulbright.com/

© 2007 All Rights Reserved. Reprint permission granted only with inclusion of the author bylines.

About the Author: Niquenya D. Fulbright is a Chicago area executive life coach, mediator, professional speaker and corporate trainer with over 10 years experience specializing in motivating small business owners, entrepreneurs, executives, groups and individuals in a career or life transition to use their innate abilities to master their goals and achieve successes beyond their wildest dreams. http://www.niquenyafulbright.com