Topic: Relationships

Lately I've been talking to friends who have came right out and told me that they are jealous of my current relationship which is going so fantastic. They are ranting and raving about how their relationships are so bad and they are just generally unhappy with the situation. One woman is dating a married man and the other is involved with an unmotivated, jobless, perpetual cheater. Now I know it seems like we all know what's wrong with these pictures without needing to know the whole story, but I implore you to look deeper into why these women stay in such obviously unhealthy relationships. Furthermore, I want you to look at your own relationships and decide why it is that you stay in those as well.

Read more about Dissecting Bad Relationships

How to Give Feedback in Relationships
Mood:  amorous
Topic: Relationships

Let's face it. No relationship is completely perfect. Even though we all have our faults, there are ways to give feedback to your partner without causing a knock-down, drag-out argument or worse, a physical fight. Take heed to the following tips on how to give feedback in a relationship.

So your partner has really ticked you off. Now what? Rather than air your differences in a manner that could bring further detriment to your relationship, take a moment to step back from the situation at hand. Giving yourself the time to calm down and reassess the situation with a cool head could mean the difference between an easily correctable issue and a major argument. Retreat to your separate corners until you can approach your partner in a less threatening tone and disposition. Even if your partner seems ready to address the matter, request a short timeout if you don't feel that you are capable of having ...

Read more about how to give feedback in relationships.

How to Find True Love
Mood:  amorous
Topic: Relationships

It is a question as old as life itself. How do I find true love? If you really want to know the answer to this question then be prepared to go on a journey of personal development.

The first step to finding true love is to not seek it at all. I know that sounds crazy. How can you find something that you are not looking for? But that's just it. As long as you are looking, it will continue to evade you. Finding true love should not be your focus. Read more about how to find true love.

How to Understand Men
Mood:  flirty
Topic: Relationships

 As a life coach, I am inundated with clients who are having issues with their intimate relationships. One of the most common complaints I hear from the women I serve is that they just don't understand men. These clients fume in relentless self-talk wondering the answers to questions such as "why can't he just listen to me?", "why won't he just do what I need him to do?", "what is so hard for him to just pick up the phone?" and the list goes on. The following 5 tips will assist you in reexamining your relationships so that you can begin to truly understand men.

Are you suffering from the need to be rescued? The first key to understanding men is to realize that a man can not complete you. Let me say that again; a man can not complete you. You have to be whole in yourself and by yourself before you ever even think about entering a relationship. I watched the most beautiful love story not too long ago called "August Rush". The most memorable scene for me was when a young woman affected by a severe loss of love was in a deep conversation with her best friend about happiness. Her friend asked her the most powerful question one can ever ask themselves, "are you happy after everyone else goes home?" I want you to think about that for a moment. Are you happy after everyone else goes home? When you are sitting by yourself can you truly say that you are fulfilled and at peace with who you are? If the answer is no, then it is time to do some work on yourself. Until you can answer this question with a definitive "yes", then you are not ready for a relationship. You will only bring negativity and baggage to the table. Your potential mate can not fill that empty space. That hole can only be filled by you. It places an unfair expectation on your mate to give him that responsibility.

Beware of Internet Dating Scams
Topic: Relationships
 

Internet dating sites have become a great option for lonely souls seeking to connect to their life partner.  Typically, an eager dater has only to log onto a dating website, create and post a profile along with a recent picture and wait for like-minded individuals to show interest. Hundreds of thousands of cyberdaters all around the world have sought romance by following this formula with much success.  Unfortunately, there are many sharks swimming alongside the sincere fish in the sea.

 

Internet dating scams are a growing concern.  These scams come in many shapes and forms.  Probably of the most popular include pick-up-artists, disguised as your soul mate, pilfering the hard-earned cash of unsuspecting victims.  The false-hearted scammers lower their prey’s defenses by appealing to their romantic desires.  This usually leaves those with true intentions in financial and emotional ruin and, incredulously, can often times lead to criminal charges pressed against the victim for unknowingly aiding a crime.

 

The way these types of scams usually work is that the scam artist creates their own profile on the dating website, often complete with an attractive photo and alluring bio.  More times than not, the scammer will state in their bio that they are an American expatriate working abroad for a large corporation in another country.  This plays on the potential victim’s fantasy which helps to add to the mystery and fascination of the connection.  The scammer can then either wait for a potential victim to contact them through their profile or the scammer may initiate the contact themselves.  Either way, an online relationship ensues.  The enthusiastic dater and their scammer will communicate frequently over a period of several weeks or sometimes even months.  Scam artists can be very patient while they wait for their prey to get really comfortable and hopefully fall in love with them.  The correspondence will start in the online dating forum but will eventually move to the exchange of personal email contacts and perhaps even phone numbers.  The scammer uses this time to scope out their ideal victim which can be anyone who is lonely, shy, isolated and vulnerable.  Divorcees, widowers, single parents and naïve young adults are the perfect candidates.

 

Once the scammer is assured that their pretend love interest is head over heels for them, the scam begins.  Scammers have several devices to trick their victims out of their money.  There may be a sudden family emergency that requires the victim to wire the scammer money for fake medical expenses.  There can be a supposed contract deal gone badly and the scammer begs for funds to keep it going with the promise to repay their victim on the back end.  The scammer may say that they are having difficulty cashing a check or money order in whatever country they claim to be working in and request that it be deposited into the victim’s bank account so the cash can be wired to them.  Of course, the check is counterfeit and the victim ends up eating the cost and can sometimes be jailed for illegally transferring money as this can be considered international money laundering in many locations.  The scammer may also claim to have issues with their visas and need their victim to pay the fees required to apply, renew or release their immigration papers.

 

Probably the most egregious method is for the scammer to announce their undying love for the victim and desire to meet in person.  The request may even include a suggestion of marriage.  Clouded with the idea of wedding bells ringing, the victim agrees to wire untold sums of cash to the scammer for airfare, hotels, car rentals, engagement rings and in some cases, full wedding ceremonies.  As long as the victim is willing to pay, the scammer will continue making requests.  Then on the day the two are destined to meet, the victim waits aimlessly at the airport for their new love to show up but the scammer never does.  In fact, the scammer is never heard from again.

 

It can be very difficult for a victim of an internet dating scam to receive justice.  Dating scammers can be very crafty.  They never use their real name and that gorgeous picture on their profile is most likely a stolen photo from a model website.  You can never be too sure that someone’s profile is truthful about their image, profession, age, gender or even their nationality.  For this reason, it is important to be wary of any internet romance.  While most internet daters have good intentions, it is imperative to use your common sense when pursuing an online relationship.  Don’t let your desire to find love obscure your ability to make good decisions.   If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

 

© Copyright 2007 by Niquenya D. Fulbright - All rights reserved.

 

About the Author:

Niquenya D. Fulbright is a certified Christian executive life coach, management consultant, mediator, corporate trainer and motivational speaker specializing in inspiring small business owners, entrepreneurs, executives, groups and individuals in a career or life transition to use their innate abilities to master their goals and achieve successes beyond their wildest dreams. http://www.niquenyafulbright.com/

From LOL to Latte: Meeting Your Internet Connection Face-to-Face
Topic: Relationships

Many internet daters are apprehensive about making that move from the comforts of online chat to an actual face-to-face encounter with their internet love connection.  With all of the horror stories floating around concerning fake profile photos, dating scams and other criminally unsavory behaviors, it can be more than a challenge to gather up the courage to meet a person of interest offline.  Since you can never be too sure that someone’s profile is truthful about their image, profession, age, gender or even nationality, it is really in your best interest to arrange a fact-finding initial meeting prior to an actual date.  Thus we have the coffee date.

 

A coffee date is not really a date at all.  It is a simple, inexpensive, non-threatening meet-and-greet.  Coffee dates should be scheduled in the daytime at a safe, public location such as a coffeehouse.  It is best to schedule the coffee date between regular meal times (i.e. an hour after breakfast or two hours prior to dinner).  This first meeting should last no more than twenty to thirty minutes.  This is enough time to assess whether that gorgeous profile photo is a match for the real-life version.  You can also determine if there is enough chemistry between the two of you to pursue the option of a real date.  Most people will know if there is a physical attraction within the first five minutes.

 

The coffee meet-and-greet is a casual affair so dress accordingly.  Keep the formal attire at home but dress nice enough to make a good first impression.  You may even want to prepare for your meeting by having a list of questions ready to ask your online love prospect.  There is no need to rehearse your lines but it can help to have a good idea of some specific items you genuinely want to learn about your potential mate.  It can also be helpful to pay attention to that week’s current events so you can be properly armed to actively participate in a good conversation.  Make sure that you stray from heavy, negative topics.  You want to keep the conversation as light as possible but keep in mind that the purpose of this meeting is to find out who you are.  Remember to stay relaxed and feel free to be yourself.  This is a getting-to-know-you engagement so don’t take the person out of your personality.

 

Try to keep the coffee date from going longer than thirty minutes as any longer could invite boredom.  You want to create an atmosphere conducive to a love connection, not a friendship.  To make the coffee meet more interesting, select a location that provides extra amenities.  Many coffeehouses now offer live music, a DJ, comedy shows or poetry slams.  Some also include light menu items, pool tables, darts and other traditional “bar” games.  Even if there is an additional entertainment element to the coffeehouse, do not go there with this as your aim.  The idea of a coffee meet is just that, to have coffee.  Should the two of you decide that you are hitting it off; the coffee meet could turn into a real date without the need to move to a second location.  For this reason, arrange the coffee meet to occur at least forty minutes prior to any scheduled show time.  That way if sparks aren’t flying, you aren’t locked into a commitment to stay.  You can simply bail at the half hour mark.

 

If you don’t like coffee, most coffeehouses do offer many other beverage and snack items such as tea, sandwiches and soda pop.  Another alternative to the coffee date is going for ice cream, an excellent idea during the warmer months.  You might also decide to grab something to-go and simply take a leisurely walk through a scenic neighborhood.  The point is to stay away from full-course meal offerings that involve longer time commitments.  You want to avoid the pressures of being on a formal date so pick a location or an activity that is best suited to both of your interests.  Hopefully your efforts to move from LOL to latte will eventually send you from latte to love.

 

© Copyright 2007 by Niquenya D. Fulbright - All rights reserved.

 

About the Author:

Niquenya D. Fulbright is a certified Christian executive life coach, management consultant, mediator, corporate trainer and motivational speaker specializing in inspiring small business owners, entrepreneurs, executives, groups and individuals in a career or life transition to use their innate abilities to master their goals and achieve successes beyond their wildest dreams. http://www.niquenyafulbright.com

Top 10 First Date Blunders
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Relationships
Top 10 First Date Blunders

It's Friday night and you're all geared up to go on that important first date. You haven't dated in awhile and are pretty nervous that you'll screw things up. How do you keep from making a complete arse of yourself and more importantly, make it to that seemingly out-of-reach second date? I have compiled a list of some simple tips to prevent you from making the most common costly first date blunders.

1- Do not talk about your ex. It is very unattractive to tell your date all about the exes and what they did or didn't do or how they did it. It really is a turnoff and drops your date's interest level. I'll take it a step further and say don't even discuss your great platonic bowling partner friend to whom you confide all your problems to. Your date will clearly see this person as a possible threat and who wants to begin a relationship in a competition? You want to keep the date as romantic and light as possible.

2- Speaking of light, keep the heavy dramatic topics out of the conversation. Nobody wants to hear the gloom and doom of how you think the world will end due to global warming or why Bush is doing a terrible job. It is incredibly boring to discuss the current rise in interest rates and the way your boss is giving it to you in the rear end. Everything that comes out of your mouth should be positive and upbeat.

3- Do not brag. It really is unimportant how much you have stowed away in your 401K and how your Jag gets 34 miles per gallon. We've all heard it a million times before so let that aspect of your life be discovered. It's okay to highlight a choice few of your accomplishments but don't oversell yourself. You're not on commission.

4- Do not get all touchy-feely. It's creepy and offensive. You're not at the point where you can take those freedoms so keep your hands to yourself. No pats on the back, arms around the shoulders, or hands on the knee. These things will come in due time so don't rush the touching. This stage has to arrive as a natural progression in the relationship.

5- Do not talk about sex. It's distasteful and downright tacky. Everyone has heard all the libido stories and the dirty jokes. Keep it classy and sophisticated. You're an adult so you should know by now that it is completely unneccessary to drone on about what a champion lover you are. If you're so good, your date will find out eventually.

6- Be prepared. While spontaneity is a really nice attribute, it doesn't bode well for first dates. You should have a well-thought out plan of what you will be doing, when and where. Know your budget and plan accordingly. Make dinner reservations and purchase theater tickets ahead of time. It is embarrasing to arrive at your destination just to find out its packed to capacity and/or sold out. Give yourself enough travel time in between locations. And whatever you do, don't be late in picking her up. And ladies, I know it's tempting, but it really is a tiresome habit to keep him waiting for the sake of being "fashionably late." Be ready at least 10 minutes prior to the time he is scheduled to arrive.

7- Do not be cheap. Guys, make sure you have enough in your pocket to cover the date including any customary tips and incidentals. And just so we're clear, it isn't cute to skimp out on tipping your waiter/waitress because your water was 2 degrees warmer than you would have liked it or any other cockamamie excuse you think your date will find funny. She won't. You will look like a jackass and nobody wants to be with a jackass. A proper gratuity is 10% of the total bill. And ladies, just because your date is expected to foot the bill doesn't mean you should come empty-handed. If you're going dutch, then of course that's self-explanatory, but if he's paying the check, you should at least offer to leave the tip. Besides, didn't your mother always tell you to keep some change just in case?

8- Don't be cruel to the waitstaff. As I said in the previous tip, your date will not find it funny. This is really childish behaviour and I'm sure you don't want to come off as immature. So, please, don't be overly demanding and difficult towards your waitstaff. Be courteous and polite at all times and treat them like the human beings they are. As the old saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

9- Use proper etiquette. Pigs eat slop. People eat meals with silverware and use napkins. Save another time to let your date "pull your finger" and keep the gaseous eruptions to a minimum. Eat at a reasonable pace that allows for conversation without a mouthful of food seeping from the sides of your lips. And ladies, don't order the most expensive item on the menu just for the sake of its pricetag and don't starve yourself in an attempt to keep from looking like a glutton. If you're hungry, eat. He'd much rather see you enjoy your meal than watch you scrunch up your face in agony of your efforts to disguise the loud rumbles erupting from your tummy.

10- Last, this really should go without saying but, do not overindulge in alcoholic beverages. A first date is not the time to show off how well you can handle your liquor. The combination of first date jitters and ten beers can be fatal to any possibility of a second date. You should be well aware of your surroundings and in full possession of your faculties. You don't want to be so uninhibited that you forget your manners so keep it to a three cocktail maximum.

The first date can be a horrific, terrifying, grueling, romantic, exciting, fun and memorable experience. You will most likely be a bottle of nerves and make many mistakes throughout your special night but so will your date. Just remember these tips and be yourself. Afterall, the hardest part was getting the date in the first place.

Niquenya Fulbright, Professional Life Coach
http://www.niquenyafulbright.com
http://www.chicagoloveconnection.com